nanny season

Today, I participated in a turkey trot on Thanksgiving Day before easing into the couch, spending the remainder of the day indulging in Thanksgiving delights, watching endless hours of football, and hoping for sustained familial vibes throughout.

I was never a runner. I’m still not. Before this year, I don’t think I had run over two miles in one shot. I’ve always marveled at friends, Evan, I’m talking about you, who could effortlessly spring out of bed and conquer double-digit miles before 9am. From the unpleasant experiences of finishing nearly last in P.E.’s timed mile runs to staring at the treadmill at Barry’s in Venice, I never had a positive relationship with this form of exercise.

However, it’s a habit I wanted to develop before traveling because I knew it would provide a great way to exercise and explore the world simultaneously. During this experiment, I’ve realized that going from the couch to 5k, 10k, or whatever distance for that matter is all about making adjustments to your default setting.

Our default setting is where our mind goes without conscious awareness. David Foster Wallace tells this beautifully in his 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College. He describes how pissed and miserable we feel in a crowded grocery store or during rush hour traffic.

He goes on to express the difficulty of changing this automatic mode, emphasizing that it takes willpower and acknowledging that some days it may not be achievable.

For me, my default thoughts when running were, “why am I doing this?”, “this is a waste of my time.” and “I’m bad at this, just stop.” I fixated on the idea that the average song duration is four minutes; five songs equal twenty minutes. I mentally counted down the seconds and subsequently dreaded every stride I took—hence why I never made it past two miles, even with “Nothing Was The Same” on repeat.

Lacing up my shoes during the past few months has given me the opportunity to reshape my relationship with running and adjust my default setting towards it. I swapped out Drake for podcast episodes and paid more attention to the sights and sounds around me than the internal countdown in my head. The open spaces, once filled with this clock, provided a chance to work through problems, appreciate the world around me, and acknowledge my body’s ability to endure this once dreaded task. As the Rock says, it’s about altering the mindset from “I got to” to “I GET to.”

Adjusting my default settings has been one of my biggest “projects” since quitting my 9-5. I wasn’t intentionally trying to do this. In fact, I didn’t really know about the idea of a default setting until listening to Wallace’s speech last month.

Another example of altering my default settings has been my adoption of the “nanny” persona in the household. As I’ve mentioned previously, I’ve been living at home this Fall between returning from Indonesia and now leaving for India in a week. It’s the first time since 2006 that our household of four have been under one roof. With more time on my hands than the rest of the crew, I’ve taken it upon myself to assist with many day-to-day chores. Most of the time, that involves afternoons at Wegmans, caring for the family puppy, and preparing meals. I’m still not great at cleaning, so luckily we’ve outsourced that to outside counsel.

I could have easily adopted a selfish mentality here and have allocated my time elsewhere like finally watching The Wire, rewatching the Sopranos, or testing out all of Richmond’s craft breweries. The mere shift of embracing the nanny persona for this season completely changed how I viewed my to do list from the family. I’ve been away for all of my twenties, but these past few months have illuminated the responsibilities my family still carries on a daily basis.

Now, when I receive a midday text from my mom reading, “Before you come home, I am going to have you pick up some food,” I laugh, give her a call, put the nanny hat on, and turn the car around.

So now, I create stories in my head about people in checkout lines based on their choice of groceries and perceive a traffic jam as a test to embrace this uncontrollable moment of stillness.

As I look towards living on my own in 2024 (for the first time!), I can attribute my renewed appreciation for the daily tasks of being an adult to my time as the house nanny. Plus, if all else fails, I would gladly take on the job as an Au Pair.

During the turkey trot today, I was reminiscing about the last few months. Thanksgiving and the holidays have a beautiful way of bringing gratitude to the forefront. I thought back to sitting on the dock of Gili Air in Indonesia and talking to this older lady about her travels. When I shared my story, she said, “You’re running from your past,” in a kind tone. I laughed because I had just had this exact conversation with my therapist before leaving. I said, “Maybe, but I see it as I’m running towards what’s next.”

She laughed, smiled, and said, “You’re right, I like that better.” She wished me luck, and we both went our separate ways back to the main island.

I won’t be able to keep pace with my friend Evan on a run any time soon, but needless to say, the art of running and other daily practices has heightened my awareness regarding my default settings.

As a result, I’ve made tremendous strides and know I am running in the right direction.

PS: I lived with Evan back in 2016 and he would run those double-digit miles, hit the driving range, and get groceries before I would get out of a bed on Saturday morning after a double-digit vodka soda night at one of Charlotte’s Uptown bars. I took mental notes. Thanks, Ev.

Happy Holidays <3