frothy monkey

Date: April 12, 2023

Location: Frothy Monkey Coffee Shop – Nashville, TN

A month removed from a breakup, I had been carrying a lot of stress and anxiety in my shoulders, neck, and back. It felt like a hundred pound sandbag had been resting on my shoulders. I could barely lift my upper body, let alone pick up a pen to write down notes from what seemed to be a never-ending amount of Zoom meetings.

Out of the blue, I received a casting opportunity at a wellness retreat. I spent the next few days working alongside the program’s skilled coordinators, open-minded models, and a world-class camera crew. This opportunity to attend the wellness retreat turned out to be quite fortuitous.

Nestled in the woods an hour outside of Nashville, I felt a sense of serenity as I entered the gates. Each morning at 5:30am, I would walk outside the cozy cabin and feel the crispness of the Tennessee air enveloping me.

As I took each step on the dewy blades of the grass, the world around me seemed to awaken with every passing moment. The soft chirping of birds gradually filled the air, accompanied by the rustling of leaves as a gentle breeze swept through the surrounding woods. It was a serene and invigorating experience, feeling connected to nature’s awakening as I strolled uphill to meet the crew for a morning cup.

The days were centered around connection with one another, farm animals, nature, and ourselves. In order to get an authentic depiction of the program’s set and setting, the coordinators put us through mini exercises to simulate a potential client’s true experience. One specific scenario I took part in was couples therapy. Of course. Myself and another model, staged as my partner, met with the program’s clinical physician. The camera men positioned themselves in the room and I chuckled thinking, “If only this happened a few weeks ago.”

As the camera starts rolling, the therapist asks me “how are you?” Instead of pretending to give an answer as the crew started getting their shots, I delved into my actual state of mind. I described the weight on my shoulders, the world and the Life I thought I (we) were creating has crumbled, and is now upside down. I began to choke up and could feel my heart try and push out from my chest. I sort of blacked out as I continued to let go to these strangers about the insecurities that reside within this heavy weight. What could I have done better? Am I enough? the usual

I come to and I see the cameramen once again, my partner tearing up, and my body feeling a bit lighter. We end the session and my partner, who I met only hours prior, embracing me with a hug and says everything will be okay.

That was one of many moments where my role as a “model” turned to “client”. We joked that I received boujee breakup therapy, but in reality it was true. The universe gave me a lifeline and I took full advantage of it. In a period of darkness, it handed me light and the opportunity to open up, let go, face emotions, and be vulnerable. Two days later, my first stop after the retreat was a local coffee shop in Nashville. Now moved out of my apartment, I was house-sitting for the next few weeks as I close out my chapter in the Music City.

It’s a beautiful spring afternoon. Nashville really shows off on days like today. The shop is alive and packed with locals eating vanilla-cinnamon brioche French toast and kale caesar salads. They sip on Americanos as they converse about their Easter Sunday, distaste for the local political landscape, and their next purchase at imogene + willie.

I sit in the corner, high from my recent experience and exhausted from facing my wounds head on. As I sip on my iced latte, a woman sits next to me with a suitcase and glances over at me with a smile.

After a couple of Zoom meetings, she’s still there. I now order a matcha. After another glance, she suddenly asks me where else she can go as she waits for her daughter to finish work. After giving her a few recommendations, she asks if I like Nashville and how long I plan to stay there.

Nashville is a great place, I tell her, which wasn’t an insincere answer. I’d been living there for the past year and a half and I was starting to feel a real connection to the city and experiencing firsthand how strong the sense of community was. I told her I was in the process of leaving the city after a recent breakup. Naturally, we talked a bit about what had happened with my relationship and how I had been feeling. She was in her second marriage and in a motherly way, offered me some advice —

“find someone you can laugh with from morning to evening because life only gets harder.”

Her advice was more than just the cliché “Live, Laugh, Love,” and there were numerous words of wisdom she could have shared. Nevertheless, the simplicity of her statement resonated with me deeply.

My takeaway was that Life’s game doesn’t play at the same difficulty level. And although Bowser becomes more challenging to conquer as the game goes on, it does not mean we can not relish in the adversities, laugh in the face of danger, dodge his fire-breathe, and emerge victorious, all at once.

After wishing me the best, she signed her check and proceeded to wheel her suitcase out on to the streets of 12 South. I take my last sip of matcha and laugh. The sandbag now felt like 99 pounds. One pound lighter. Progress.